Addicted to Sugar

There’s no doubt. Anyone that can down like 10 cookies at once has a problem. But to really break it I’m going to need to have discipline. And to have discipline I’m going to need to have a purpose. Previously I had gotten to a point where I could be fairly restrained, but the old me isn’t going to work anymore: holding out for what I can get from the world through pride and anger. I know I want to make something of myself, but I’ve always relied so heavily on the world to create some sort of meaning for me… It takes some kind of motivation and serious work to determine what you value and then work towards some kind of goal.

Looking back, I wonder how my body put up with it all. I grew up eating the
Standard American Diet (SAD to all us blogophiles). You know… cereal for breakfast. Simple carbs, no protein, highly processed. I ate typical foods which by my guess are up to 40% empty calories. I never exercised, except for goofing around, riding bikes, or walking home from school. And I had sugar all over the place. High school and college were the worst. A lot of meals were made out of basic food groups: cans of pop, Kraft, chicken strips, candy bars, cookies, hot pockets. As a kid I loved all the purely sugary candies: black licorice, jelly beans, dots, circus peanuts (yeah, I know they’re gross). I never put on weight though, at least not until transitioning from low-carb to HED.

That’s not to say I was healthy. Sure, I was lean, but who knows. I’ve had more than my share of social awkwardness and anxiety. Is that psychological or physiological? And the poor sleep. It’s still worse now than it ever used to be back then. I’m pretty sure it’s because I keep screwing up the diet. You can’t be a health blogophile for as long as I have without noting the numerous references to diet and sleep quality.

I know what I want. I want to be laid back and easygoing. I don’t want to have a restrictive or controlling attitude towards anything. I would like to have a balanced nutrition and lifestyle. I want to be close and connected to people. I want to feel healthy and alert.

I guess it’s that last point. I still haven’t really got back there. And that makes me want to be controlling with food. But that’s at cross-purposes with my other desires. So I give up and binge on crap… cause why not? But I suppose we have to learn to give up some things. Not everything is the way we want it.