What I do not accept

I think I’ve always had an aversion to power. Our culture is replete with power structures and power structures are ingrained since early childhood. But there are certain concepts I simply never accepted. They just didn’t pass muster. Ever.

I never accepted:
-that I was inherently bad or born bad or tainted or defiled or not whole as a matter of consequence such that I would need to impose internal order on myself in order to become whole or pure or good.
-that human nature is fundamentally corrupt or perverse or bad.
-that there is such distinctions as good and evil.
-that an absolutist reward/punishment structure (heaven and hell) is a healthy belief to internalize.
-that morality cannot exist separate an external authority.
-that compassion and empathy would not exist separate an externally imposed moral framework.
-that I need to be saved.
-that I should not trust myself.

The last one especially society presses very hard against. Society, as a corollary to damaging our self-trust, works to separate our mind-body connection. The mind-body connection is one of my new favorite interests and one which I believe is necessary to a whole, integrated person.

Society wishes us to rely on external feedback systems rather than well-balanced internal mechanisms. Society is also highly authoritarian in its methods, science just as much so as religion.

The human organism is built for external feedback however and the feedback received goes a long way in influencing each individual. Humans are also built to need guidance. This can make self-trust difficult when social norms are rejected. It poses an ultimatum: go it alone or abdicate self-trust. Neither is an appropriate or healthy option for an individual.

And herein lies the problem of authoritarian structures. But when people in such structures do reject social norms, they become adrift and prone to strong attachments. This can lead to surrender and total abdication of self-trust, despite oneself.

I have been through periods of such abdication and I’ve had widely varying amounts of self-worth. I am starting to come to a more complete understanding of the whole issue, but I am still at a loss as to what is to be done. That is something I will continue to explore.